What happens after hockey practice matters, too—and coaches can help parents understand why
As hockey coaches, we spend a lot of time thinking about what happens during practice.
We plan drills. We teach skills. We correct mistakes. We encourage players to keep trying when something is difficult.
But there's another part of the hockey experience that we don't always think about.
The car ride home.
Think about it.
A player spends an hour on the ice learning new skills, making mistakes, falling, getting back up, and trying to figure things out.
Then they climb into the car.
And before they've even taken off their sweatshirt, the questions begin.
"Why didn't you try that drill?"
"Why weren't you skating faster?"
"Did you listen to your coach?"
Most parents aren't asking these questions because they want to discourage their child.
They're asking because they care.
They want their child to improve. They want to help. And sometimes, they simply don't know what else to ask.
But those conversations can shape how a young player feels about learning hockey.
And as coaches, we have an opportunity to help parents understand how to support the development we're working so hard to create on the ice.
I recently created a video for hockey parents called What to Say After Hockey Practice (And What NOT to Say).
It shares five simple ways parents can approach conversations after practice.
But I think there are some important lessons for coaches in those same five ideas.
1. Help Parents Recognize Effort, Not Just Results
Hockey is an incredibly difficult sport to learn.
In many sports, kids already know how to run.
In hockey, we're asking them to learn how to balance on two narrow blades while holding a stick, controlling a puck, listening to instructions, and making decisions.
That's a lot.
And yet, when parents watch practice, it's natural for them to notice what their child can't do yet.
They see a missed pass.
A player struggling with a skating drill.
A child who can't quite figure out the movement everyone else seems to understand.
But what they might not recognize is the effort that player is putting into learning.
What Coaches Can Do
Help parents understand what you're actually looking for during practice.
If you're introducing a new skill, explain that you don't expect players to execute it perfectly right away.
You might say:
"This week we're introducing a new skating skill. It's going to be challenging, and that's okay. We're looking for players who are willing to try, make adjustments, and keep working at it."
Now parents know what to celebrate.
Instead of asking, "Why couldn't you do that drill?" they might say:
"I loved that you kept trying, even when it was hard."
That's a much more productive way to reinforce what we're teaching.
Coaching takeaway: Tell parents what effort and progress look like so they know what to recognize.
2. Help Parents Understand That Mistakes Are Part of Development
If you've coached beginner hockey, you've watched a lot of kids fall.
Sometimes they get right back up.
Sometimes they're frustrated.
Sometimes they need a little encouragement before they're ready to try again.
That's part of learning.
But when a parent sees their child struggling, their first instinct may be to focus on what went wrong.
"Why did you keep falling?"
"Why couldn't you do that?"
"Why didn't you listen?"
What if we helped parents look at those moments differently?
Instead of focusing only on the mistake, we can encourage them to notice how their child responded.
Did they get back up?
Did they try again?
Did they ask for help?
Did they keep participating even when they were frustrated?
Those are important parts of development, too.
What Coaches Can Do
Normalize mistakes when communicating with families.
Let parents know that players are going to fall, miss passes, struggle with drills, and have practices where things don't go particularly well.
That doesn't automatically mean they're falling behind.
It means they're learning.
We can also model this approach in our own coaching.
When a player makes a mistake, we can acknowledge the difficulty, provide appropriate instruction, and encourage another attempt.
We don't need to pretend frustration doesn't exist.
We can recognize that something was hard while also helping players see that they are capable of working through it.
Coaching takeaway: When coaches treat mistakes as opportunities to learn, we can help parents do the same.
3. Teach Parents to Notice Progress Their Child Might Not See
One of the challenges of learning hockey is that progress doesn't always feel obvious.
A player might leave practice frustrated because they struggled with a new drill.
They might compare themselves to a teammate who seems to pick things up more quickly.
Or they might feel like they aren't getting any better.
But as coaches, we often see improvements that players don't recognize.
A player who used to struggle to stand up can now get back on their skates independently.
Someone who was afraid to try a new move is now attempting it during drills.
A player who couldn't complete a pass a few weeks ago is starting to make more consistent connections.
Those improvements matter.
And parents can help reinforce them.
What Coaches Can Do
Share small development wins with parents.
This doesn't need to mean providing individual progress reports after every practice.
It can be as simple as explaining what the team is working on and highlighting the kinds of improvements families might notice.
For example:
"A few weeks ago, many of our players were struggling with this skill. Now we're starting to see more confidence and better control."
Or, when appropriate, sharing a specific observation:
"I noticed how much more comfortable your player looked trying that drill today."
That gives parents something meaningful to recognize.
Instead of saying, "You need to get better at that," they might say:
"Remember when that was really hard for you? Look how much you've improved!"
Coaching takeaway: Help parents see development as a process, not a comparison between players.
4. Encourage Parents Not to Turn Every Practice Into a Performance Review
This might be one of the most important conversations we can have with hockey parents.
Because most parents genuinely want to help.
They watch practice.
They notice things their child could improve.
And they want to offer advice.
But here's the thing.
Their child already has a coach.
And sometimes, after a difficult practice, the last thing that player needs is another set of instructions.
Imagine spending an hour working on something that doesn't come naturally to you.
You struggle. You make mistakes. You try again.
Then, as soon as you're finished, someone starts reviewing everything you could have done better.
Even if the feedback is well-intentioned, it can be exhausting.
Now imagine being seven or eight years old.
What Coaches Can Do
Set clear expectations about the role parents play in supporting development.
Encourage parents to let coaches handle technical instruction and use their time with their child to provide encouragement and support.
That doesn't mean parents can never discuss hockey.
It means recognizing that not every moment needs to become a coaching moment.
We can suggest a few simple questions:
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"Did you have fun?"
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"What was your favorite part?"
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"Was there anything that felt hard today?"
And then encourage parents to listen.
If their child wants to talk about something difficult, they can.
If they want help, parents can ask whether they'd like advice or just someone to listen.
But they don't need to turn every practice into an evaluation.
Coaching takeaway: Help parents understand that supporting a player's development doesn't always mean giving more instruction.
5. Remind Parents That Sometimes the Best Response Is No Response
Here's something I think we can all relate to.
Sometimes after a long day, you just don't want to talk.
Maybe you're tired.
Maybe you're hungry.
Maybe you're frustrated.
Or maybe you simply need a little time to process everything.
Kids are no different.
After hockey practice, they might be physically exhausted, mentally overwhelmed, or still working through something that happened on the ice.
And sometimes, the best thing a parent can do is hand them a snack, turn on some music, and let them decide when they're ready to talk.
What Coaches Can Do
Remind parents that they don't need to discuss hockey after every practice.
It's okay to give their child space.
It's okay if they don't want to answer questions immediately.
And it's okay if the conversation never happens at all.
Not every practice needs a lesson afterward.
Sometimes the most important message a parent can send is simply:
"I'm here. I'm proud of you. And I love watching you play."
Coaching takeaway: Encourage parents to follow their child's lead rather than feeling obligated to review every practice.
Coaches and Parents Are Working Toward the Same Goal
I think it's easy for coaches and parents to forget that they're often trying to accomplish the same thing.
We want kids to improve.
We want them to develop confidence.
We want them to learn how to handle challenges.
And we want them to enjoy playing hockey.
But sometimes, the way we communicate those goals looks different.
Coaches may focus on instruction and skill development.
Parents may focus on effort, results, or whether their child is keeping up.
And young players?
They may simply be trying to figure out how to do something really hard.
That's why communication between coaches and parents matters.
When we help parents understand what we're teaching, what progress looks like, and how to support their child through challenges, we're creating a more consistent experience for the player.
We're reinforcing the same message:
You don't have to be perfect.
Mistakes are part of learning.
Progress takes time.
And struggling with something doesn't mean you're failing.
It means you're learning something hard.
One Simple Thing Coaches Can Do This Week
At your next practice, give parents one positive thing to look for.
It might be effort during a difficult drill.
A willingness to try something new.
Getting back up after falling.
Or an improvement in a skill you've been working on.
Then encourage parents to recognize that effort or progress rather than immediately offering corrections.
You could even send a short message to your team:
"This week we're working on some challenging skills. Players are going to make mistakes, and that's part of the process. After practice, encourage your player to tell you what they enjoyed or what they felt proud of. And if they don't feel like talking about hockey right away, that's okay, too."
It doesn't need to be complicated.
Sometimes a small change in how we communicate with parents can make a meaningful difference in how players experience the game.
The Car Ride Home Is Part of the Hockey Experience
As coaches, we can't control every conversation that happens after practice.
And we shouldn't try to.
But we can help parents understand how their words affect their child's experience.
We can give them tools to recognize progress.
We can normalize mistakes.
We can encourage them to listen instead of immediately correcting.
And we can remind them that their most important role isn't to be another coach.
It's to be the person who supports their child through the challenges of learning something new.
Because our players aren't going to do everything perfectly.
They're going to fall.
They're going to struggle.
And they're going to have practices where nothing seems to go right.
But if the adults around them consistently reinforce that those moments are part of learning, we can help them develop the confidence to keep trying.
The goal isn't just to develop better hockey players. It's to help kids build a positive relationship with the game—and want to keep coming back.
And sometimes, that starts with what happens in the car ride home.
Watch the Companion Video
What to Say After Hockey Practice (And What NOT to Say)
This video was created for hockey parents and shares five practical ways to support young players after practice.
Coaches can share it with their teams as a simple parent education resource to reinforce effort, normalize mistakes, recognize progress, and encourage positive conversations after practice.
Here is the YouTube link: https://youtu.be/9_ZW-qmorBo
About the Author
Sarah Becker is the founder of The Hockey Village, an educational community helping hockey parents, adult beginners, and coaches navigate the game with greater confidence.
Drawing on her experiences as a lifelong hockey player, youth coach, and hockey mom, Sarah focuses on making hockey more approachable and helping more people feel that they belong in the game.
The Hockey Village
Learn the game. Love the game. Belong in the game.
