Two weeks ago, my son TJ's (#9 above with his senior teammates) high school soccer career came to an end in a state playoff game, culminating a week of highs and lows for me, of beginnings and endings, of joy and pain. All of those things come together in high school sports and that’s why I love them. And sometimes hate them, but mostly love them.
First, there were the happy parts. My son was a senior captain, and had a great final season. He experienced many leadership challenges, a new coach and style of play, and all the inevitable ups and downs that high school teams have. They went into their final regular season game needing to win to advance to the state playoffs. They found themselves down 2-0 with 10 minutes to go in the game. And then, the miraculous come back. They scored three goals in seven minutes to beat a rival school on their home field to clinch a playoff birth. It was the highest of the highs and a memory my son will cherish forever.
Five days later, he experienced the lowest of the lows, as his team was beaten 3-0 in the first round of the state playoffs. As the last seconds ticked off the clock, you could see the finality set in. When the game ended, I met him on the field and watched the tears stream down his face. “I just can’t believe that 12 years of soccer has now come to an end,” he said choking up. I looked around at the lifelong friends that he had played with since he was in elementary school, and I thought of all the hours that he spent on the field mastering his craft. I had my own tears as I thought of all the special moments I got to experience with him as his coach and his dad. I thought of the goals and assists, and also the disappointments. I thought of tearful car rides and joyous celebrations. I thought of time spent in the backyard, just him and I and a soccer ball, and I thought of times spent, sadly, in the ER and the doctors office as he worked through various injuries. I wish he had just one more year as he has grown into a fine player and a strong young man. Heck, I wish I could watch just one more game. But as I left the field, I watched him surrounded by his teammates and his friends who had made the 3 hour drive to come watch the playoff game. I thought to myself, that’s what it’s all about. That's why I love school sports.
That week I watched two additional games. TJ and I went to see another local high school play in the state semifinal game. 10 of his teammates from club soccer, kids that I had coached since they were 12, were on that team, and we watched their joy and fantastic play as they advanced to another state final. I could see some sadness in my son's eyes that he wasn’t out there playing with them, but also excitement for his friends. I saw the joy of their parents and their immense pride in their boys and that put a huge smile on my face. I shared hugs with lifelong friends that I have made through my son and through coaching, and cherished their overwhelming gratitude for all the hours I spent with them as a coach.
My final game of the week was the girls state semifinal, contested between two high schools from our hometown. My daughter, now a college freshman, was the captain of Bend HS last year, and has stayed connected with the team all season long. When they scored to take a 2-1 lead with five minutes to go, I FaceTimed my daughter who angrily informed me that she was studying for a midterm. Together, we watched the final minutes tick away and watched her former teammates advance to the state final. We watched their joyous celebration, and we watched the student section storm the field, and sing the Bend High fight song at the top of their lungs. I turned to my friends in the stands and said “this is why you play high school sports."
As I left the stadium, I shared hugs with joyous parents who were thrilled their daughters were off to the state final. I shared hugs with players who couldn’t wait to text my daughter. I shared a warm embrace with her former high school coach, Scott, who was an incredible positive influence in her life. He makes all his players feel respected, important, validated, empowered and relevant. This is why I put my kids in sports.
Alas, also on the way out I shared hugs with tearful players and parents from the opposing team. These are also kids I have known since they were very young. I’ve spent countless hours on the field coaching them and developing friendships with their parents as well. As I saw the finality in their eyes as the seniors walked off their high school field for the last time, my heart was broken for them as much as it overflowed with joy for their opponents. I looked into the eyes of their parents as well, and felt their pain watching their daughter's experience the devastating finality of the result.
And when you put all of this together, that is why I love high school sports. This is why I love sports in general. Because it teaches you so many valuable lessons, especially the one that says you have to be courageous enough to experience the lowest of lows, and have your heart ripped out in the cruelest of fashion. Because if you are that courageous, then you create the opportunity to stand on the other side of that field and experience the greatest joy you can ever experience, the thrill of victory, surrounded by your closest friends and classmates, wearing the colors and the badge of your school, totally exhausted and physically and emotionally spent. And you just want to grab those kids and tell them “savor this” because you’ll be searching for this feeling the rest of your life. And when you do experience that, you learn that the pain, the suffering, the disappointment and the tears were all worth it.
That is why I’m so glad my children played high school sports. That is why I’m so glad they didn’t leave for club sports that discouraged them from representing their school and playing in front of their friends. And that is why while sad that it is over, I hope and pray that those moments of joy and high achievement, as well as the pain and suffering, stick with them forever, and have taught them that there is no straight path to the top. The only path is, as Theodore Roosevelt said, for those who dare greatly, who know in the end, high achievement, and if they fail, at least, their place is not among those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
I hope you have the same love affair someday watching your kids play high school sports as I have had. I hope you have lots of miles in the car, lots of cold bleachers and frostbitten fingertips, lots of smiles, and lots of tears. Because they all contribute to your kids becoming young adults right before your eyes. And man does it go by quickly. So enjoy these moments, because they are worth more than you will ever know. And when they are over, you’ll think back to all those moments that you lost sleep over, that you sweated over the small things that didn’t really matter, that you worried about wins and losses and positions and playing time. All that stress and anxiety will fade away, all that will be left is this overwhelming feeling that you wish you could do it all over again.
