How Stoicism helped me become a steadier, more effective leader—on and off the ice

We'd just lost in overtime. Playoff hopes vanished.

In the locker room, twenty players sat in silence. Some cried. Others stared at the floor. And all of them looked toward us, the coaches, waiting for something: answers, comfort, direction.

I had nothing to give.

I don't remember what was said. Probably something about pride. Effort. Keeping our heads up. But I do remember how I felt walking out of that room: empty.

Not because we lost, but because I had no foundation to stand on in that moment. And that's when I realized something:

The most important part of leadership isn't what you say when things go right—it's who you are when everything falls apart.

What Philosophy Has to Do With Hockey

As coaches, we're always hunting for the right words. A quote to rally the team. A mantra to define our culture. Something to hold onto when pressure rises. We share TED Talks, post slogans, and clip highlights from great sports moments.

But I rarely hear anyone in hockey talk about Stoicism.

Yet when I first opened Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, I felt like he was writing directly to me:

"You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." — Marcus Aurelius

That’s exactly what we ask of our teams: stay grounded no matter the score, the call, or the chaos.

In Stoicism, this is called the Dichotomy of Control—knowing what’s up to you, and what isn’t. Once you get clear on that, coaching gets simpler. Not easier. But clearer.

And that’s just one piece of it. Stoicism is full of tools that can help leaders stay steady under pressure, from preparing for adversity to embracing what comes.

Stoicism gave me what I'd been searching for: a framework for mental clarity, emotional steadiness, and ethical leadership.

Coaching Isn't Just Systems—It's Self-Mastery

That overtime loss didn't just make me rethink strategy. It made me rethink who I was under pressure.

Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor, known as the last Philosopher King, leading through plagues, betrayal, and war. He wrote Meditations not to impress others, but to remind himself how to remain steady, just, and composed when everything was falling apart.

It didn't feel like philosophy. It honestly felt like a coach's playbook.

I started applying Stoic principles everywhere—in games, team meetings, one-on-one conversations. Eventually, I built my approach around what I call the Four Pillars:

• Perspective – See clearly, not emotionally
• Preparation – Expect adversity, not perfection
• Poise – Stay calm in chaos
• Process – Focus on effort over outcome

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it—and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." — Marcus Aurelius

These aren't abstract concepts. They've helped me stay grounded through blowout losses, angry parent meetings, and those quiet bus rides when a player opens up about struggles that go far beyond hockey.

Real Games. Real Pressure. Real Philosophy.

I've used Stoicism in games where I made the wrong call—and had to own it in front of twenty players.

The philosophy doesn't eliminate mistakes or guarantee wins. But it gives you something to stand on when the ground shifts beneath your feet.

"Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want, but welcome events in whatever way they happen." — Marcus Aurelius

This isn't about being emotionless. It's about building the kind of inner foundation that doesn't crack when things go sideways. That's what we want in our players. And that kind of foundation has to start with us.

The Edge You Didn't Know You Were Missing

Philosophy won't teach you the perfect forecheck or power play system. But it will teach you something more valuable: how to be the leader your team needs when the game—and life—gets hard.

If you've ever walked out of a tough loss wondering how to lead better, not just tactically but personally, then you might find value in what I've learned.

My book, The Philosopher Coach: Master Yourself, Lead Others, includes a foreword by former goaltender of Team USA under-18 gold medalist, Dylan St. Cyr, and explores how Stoic principles can transform your coaching—complete with real stories from the rink and practical exercises you can use immediately.

But whether you read the book or not, remember:

Every coach hits a wall eventually. The great ones don't just bounce back—they use it to build something stronger. That's what philosophy gave me: not just answers, but a better way to stand when I don't have any answers at all.

"Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one." — Marcus Aurelius

The same goes for coaching.

So yes, every coach should study philosophy. Really.

Because when the game stops being about X's and O's and starts being about who you are in the moment that matters most—that's when philosophy becomes your most practical tool.