The Weight of Leadership: Navigating the Hardest Part of Coaching-
by Jeff German, Head Coach, Denison University Hockey
As coaches, we all know that one of the toughest parts of the job is making decisions that affect players personally. Setting the lineup, choosing who plays and who doesn’t, benching a player, or cutting someone from the team—these are decisions that can weigh heavily on us, no matter how much experience we have. It’s easy to hear the advice from other coaches who say “It’s just part of the job” or “You can’t feel bad about it,” but how do we navigate the emotional toll of these decisions when we know how much our players care and invest in the program?
Since becoming the Head Coach of Denison University Men’s Hockey in 2013, I’ve worked hard to build a program grounded in accountability, trust, and transparency. This approach has led to a consistent upward trajectory in the program’s performance, but one thing I’ve learned along the way is that while decisions like scratching a player may be necessary, they are never easy. They should never feel easy. And as coaches, we need to manage that emotional weight while still upholding the standards of the team.
Building a Successful Program: It’s About More Than Talent
For a program to truly succeed, it needs to be about more than just wins and losses. While having talented players is important, it’s the culture that ultimately sustains a team over time. The best teams are built on trust, accountability, and the understanding that every player, regardless of their role, has something valuable to offer.
A successful program is one where players are committed to the team and to each other, where they believe in the process and trust that the coaching staff has their best interests at heart. But when it comes to making tough decisions—whether it’s scratching a player from the lineup, benching someone mid-game, or cutting a player entirely—those decisions need to be made with compassion and transparency. This is where many coaches struggle: how do you uphold your standards while also considering the human side of coaching?
Making Tough Decisions with Compassion
I’ve learned over the years that players, no matter how tough they appear on the outside, take these decisions to heart. And as much as we might tell ourselves not to take it personally, there’s no way to avoid feeling the weight of telling a player they aren’t playing that night—especially when you know how hard they’ve worked. However, the key is to approach it with honesty and respect.
Here’s how I’ve approached making these tough calls:
- Be Transparent: Players need to understand the "why" behind the decision. It’s not enough to just say "you're scratched" without explaining the reasoning. I always try to make sure the player knows what they can do to earn a spot next time, or how they can improve. Being clear about the reasoning helps them understand the bigger picture.
- Give Honest Feedback: Be real with your players. If a player isn’t playing well, tell them. If they’re not meeting expectations, let them know what’s missing and how they can improve. Honest feedback builds respect and trust, and even if it’s tough to hear, it empowers players to take ownership of their growth.
- Provide Opportunities for Growth: Scratching or benching a player shouldn’t be seen as a punishment—it should be an opportunity for growth. Explain how taking a step back can give them the chance to learn and come back stronger.
Creating a Team Culture Where Players Are Empowered
While it’s crucial to make these tough decisions, it’s also essential to create an environment where players feel empowered and have a voice in the process. This doesn’t mean that every decision needs to be up for debate, but it’s important that players know they are valued and that their voices matter.
Here are three strategies for fostering that culture of empowerment:
- Making Players Feel Valued – Individual Meetings & Role Clarity
Regular one-on-one meetings with players are key to helping them understand their role on the team. Even if a player isn’t in the lineup for a particular game, it’s vital that they know how their contributions are valued. These meetings give them a chance to ask questions, seek clarification, and discuss how they can improve. The clearer they are about their role and the expectations placed on them, the more invested they will be in the team’s success. - Empowering Players to Lead – Leadership Council
As coaches, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking leadership needs to come from the top. But the strongest teams are those where leadership extends beyond the coaching staff. I created a Leadership Council at Denison that includes players from all class years. This council meets regularly to discuss team issues, share feedback, and help establish expectations for the group. Empowering players to lead gives them ownership of the team’s culture and fosters accountability. - Giving Players a Voice – Open Communication & Feedback
A team is most successful when there’s a constant flow of communication between coaches and players. Encouraging open feedback allows players to express their thoughts and concerns, which in turn gives them a sense of agency. Whether through team meetings, one-on-one conversations, or anonymous surveys, creating opportunities for players to share their voices helps them feel heard, valued, and invested in the team’s direction.
Final Thoughts on Tough Coaching Decisions
Ultimately, the hardest decisions we make as coaches will never get easier. But they are an essential part of shaping a successful program. It’s important to make those decisions with clarity, compassion, and a commitment to the values that drive your team. Remember, every player’s journey is unique, and while some decisions may be tough in the moment, they help shape the future of both the individual and the program as a whole.
The key is balance—holding your players accountable while also showing that you care about their growth and well-being. That’s the foundation of a program that lasts and thrives.
