Earning Trust at 19: Lessons from a Varsity Head Coach

At 19, I became the head coach of the Chenango Forks varsity hockey team after serving as the program’s goalie coach during a 6-9 season. My responsibilities now extended to every player on the roster, the systems we played, and the decisions that shaped our team.

My first season as head coach ended with a county championship. It also gave me plenty to reconsider about how I communicated, used my staff, and prepared our players. These are five lessons I’m taking into my second season.

1. Your players decide your credibility.

From day one, I leaned into the energy I brought as a young coach. I was excited to be at the rink and wanted my players to feel that. Being close to their age gave me a starting point for connecting with them. Letting out a smile every now and then wasn’t going to cost me their respect.

I also made a point of explaining the reasoning behind my decisions. If we changed something, I wanted players to understand why. How would it help us maintain offensive-zone possession? How would it allow us to disrupt an opponent earlier?

Explaining the purpose gave players something they could recognize on the ice. They could connect what we practiced to what happened in a game, and understand what we were trying to accomplish when an adjustment didn’t work immediately. That became an important part of how I approached earning their trust.

2. Fit the system to the players.

I spent the summer preparing a neutral zone trap and a defense-first approach. Through nine games, we were 5-4.

We were limiting shots against, but we weren’t forcing enough mistakes in the offensive zone. We relied heavily on opportunities off the rush or getting established with possession. We needed more chances created through pressure: winning a puck back, disrupting a breakout, and finding a scrappy goal.

We switched to a more aggressive forecheck and went 11-2 over our remaining regular-season games before winning the county championship. That adjustment was one part of the turnaround, but it helped us play a style that better suited our team.

I had put considerable time into our original plan. I learned that the work invested in a system cannot become the reason you keep it. You have to evaluate what it is actually giving your team.

3. Make it easy for players to speak honestly.

In one of my monthly captains meetings, I was told players were afraid to take penalties because they knew they would sit a shift.

I wanted accountability. Hearing their perspective made me consider how that consequence could affect the way they approached a play. Were they thinking about making the right decision, or worrying about what would happen if they got it wrong?

That conversation raised a question I needed to take seriously: was my message about discipline creating hesitation?

Players experience our decisions in ways we may not anticipate. Giving them room to explain that helps us evaluate our coaching. I still have to make the final decision, but I want to understand its effect before assuming the message landed as intended.

4. Your assistants shape the team’s experience.

During a 90-minute practice, I’m running drills, giving feedback, and keeping the session moving. There are plenty of interactions with individual players, but I rarely spend more than 30 seconds in a sustained conversation with one person.

My assistants can reach players in those longer, individual moments. They have opportunities to hear a concern, explain a detail, or continue a conversation while I’m responsible for the next drill.

Those relationships matter. A player may be more comfortable opening up to one coach, or understand an explanation better when another coach delivers it. Our players benefit from having several people they can turn to.

I’ve learned to appreciate how much of a staff’s influence comes through conversations the head coach may never hear.

5. Have a progression and a step back.

I want progressions and regressions available in what we teach. If players are ready for another challenge, we should be able to add one. If they are struggling, we should be able to simplify the task and give them a chance to understand it.

The same flexibility applies within a system. Calling a forecheck a “2-1-2” still leaves decisions about where we apply pressure, where we want to force the puck, and how we use our players’ strengths. There is room to adjust within the structure.

That means preparing beyond the first version of a drill or tactical plan. What will I change if it is too difficult? What will I add if the players grasp it quickly? What am I looking for before making either decision?

I’m entering my second season with a better understanding of how much coaching depends on those adjustments. I want to bring a clear plan to the rink and keep learning from the players and coaches who help put it into practice.