Why isn’t my athlete taking accountability?

How about we look at it another way?

Instead of immediately asking why an athlete or player isn’t taking accountability, have you ever thought to ask:

What has been my athlete’s or player’s experience with accountability?

Has accountability been present at home or in other areas of their life? If so, what did it look like? What happened when they took responsibility, and what happened when they didn’t?

Asking them to share examples can help us understand what accountability means to them and how their experiences may have shaped the way they respond to it today.

That’s why I believe these conversations need to be open. Whether it happens one on one or as a team, the goal should be to understand, learn, and most importantly, listen to their perspective.

Part of that understanding is considering safety and connection.

Do they feel safe admitting a mistake, taking responsibility, or being honest about what happened? Do they believe their connection with their teammates and coaches will still be there afterward?

If someone has learned that taking accountability leads to punishment, embarrassment, rejection, or being singled out, why would we assume they will naturally feel comfortable doing it?

This also makes me think about the standards we have as coaches.

If someone makes a mistake, is our first instinct that they need to own up to it immediately? It’s understandable to want that, but have we considered that some individuals may need time and space to reflect before they are ready to talk about what happened?

Do we give them that opportunity?

Accountability isn’t simply saying, “I’m sorry.” It can mean understanding your part in what happened, recognizing how your actions affected others, and making a conscious effort to change your behaviour moving forward.

That leads to another question:

What has their past experience taught them will happen if they take accountability?

And perhaps an even deeper question:

Do you want to grow from this experience, even if that growth is uncomfortable, or remain where you are because it feels safer or more familiar?

Are we confusing safety with familiarity?

Sometimes what feels familiar may not actually be safe or healthy. It may simply be what we have become accustomed to.

There is usually a reason behind someone’s behaviour. That doesn’t mean the behaviour should be excused. Accountability still matters.

But before deciding how to address the behaviour, perhaps we should first ask:

What is underneath it?

What has this person experienced?

What have they learned?

And what can they do differently moving forward?

The goal isn’t to excuse the behaviour. It’s to understand where it may be coming from before deciding how to address it.